Time Alone
by A Scary Man
Summary: Barret and Cid throw a party to celebrate the destruction of Meteor but Cloud and Tifa just want some time alone. . .
1. The Party

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FF7 OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M NOT STICKING PARTICULARLY FAITHFULLY TO THE ACTUAL LAYOUT OF THE SHINRA MANSION, COS I CAN'T REMEMBER IT, AND CAN'T BE BOTHERED PLAYING THE GAME AGAIN TO FIND OUT. A/N 2: Apologies if this story isn't actually very funny, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I got the idea from one of those frustrating dreams where you want to be alone with a girl/guy, but people keep popping up no matter where you go to try and be on your own.  
  
  
  
Cloud Strife sighed and stared out across the main hall of the Shinra Mansion in Nibelheim. It was a week after the defeat of Sephiroth and destruction of Meteor, and they'd finally managed to get everybody together to celebrate. He had sent out invitations to just about everybody he knew, across the length and breadth of the Planet, Tifa had prepared food for the party, while Cid, Barret and Vincent had been working flat out to dress up the place. Now their hard work was being put to good use as everybody was having the time of their lives. Vincent and Red XIII were sitting in a shady corner, huddled together discussing something highly deep and mysterious. Yuffie was sneaking around the room, stealing wads of cash from the pockets of wealthy bankers and businessmen when they weren't looking. Cid was swinging from one of the chandeliers, happily waving a bottle of whisky, and belting out a song about his first love. Barret was at the front door, acting as a doorman, refusing entry to anyone under-age or excessively drunk. Cait Sith, being controlled by Reeve who had been too busy to attend, was in a corner telling dubious fortunes for a million gil a time. The music was being provided by the Highwind's flight crew, who in their spare time were a highly ambitious rock and roll band. Cloud glanced over at Tifa. She returned his glance, and flashed him a smile. He felt his heart give a flutter, and he realised he had to tell Tifa of his feelings for her. It was best to do it as quickly as possible, before they could go their separate ways and lose touch with each other. But not here, in the middle of the party. They had to find somewhere quiet where he could open his heart to her. Jumping back to avoid Reno of the Turks, who was running about with just his boxer shorts on, being chased by an irate Barret, Cloud walked over to where Tifa was standing.  
  
"Tifa?" he exclaimed over the noise of the music. "Can I talk to you for a second?"  
  
She nodded, and he indicated the door to their right. Both of them walked through, the noise fading away as he closed the door behind them. The room was empty save for the crates of beer and food stacked against the wall, in case the food in the main room ran out.  
  
"What's on your mind?" she asked.  
  
Cloud took her hands and stepped closer, gazing down into her eyes. Those twin crimson pools in which he so often lost himself.  
  
"Tifa - I - I - "  
  
He was cut off as the door behind him was noisily thrown open, Reno bursting through, giggling like a little girl, having lost his boxers and with just a folded-up tablecloth to cover his modesty. Barret, yelling threats and obscenities at the top of his voice, was close behind, clipping the Missing Score into place on his prosthetic arm. Reno screamed with high- pitched laughter as Barret tripped over a stray beer bottle and landed flat on his face. Dropping the tablecloth, Reno jumped on to some crates and pushed open the window, trying to climb out. Barret tried to follow but the crates failed to hold his heavier frame and he fell on to his backside again. Cloud and Tifa discreetly left the room, taking the staircase to the next floor.  
  
"Whoa, Reno naked," Tifa gasped. "That's not something I want to see again for a while."  
  
"Here, the bedrooms should be empty," said Cloud. "I just need a couple of minutes to tell you something."  
  
They went into the master bedroom and Tifa turned round to look at him expectantly. Her face, her eyes, her perfect figure, everything about her mesmerised Cloud.  
  
"Tifa," he began nervously. "I - I don't know how to say this, but - "  
  
All of a sudden there came a groan, and the sound of wood tearing. Bewildered, Cloud and Tifa both looked around for the source of the noise. It was definitely inside the room somewhere.  
  
"Look!" said Tifa, pointing to the heavy oak wardrobe that stood by the window. "Someone's inside!"  
  
There came more thuds from inside the wardrobe and with a ripping sound one of the wooden doors was torn from its hinges. From inside the wardrobe Rufus stumbled, knocking his head on the door frame, yelping in pain and falling forwards.  
  
"President Rufus!" Tifa exclaimed, as the white-clad man got to his feet. "Um - aren't you dead?"  
  
"Ow - long story," Rufus groaned, holding his head. "When I catch the idiot who locked me in there - "  
  
He stood up straighter and his eyes focussed on Cloud.  
  
"Strife!" he yelled. "Did you lock me in that closet?"  
  
"No," said Cloud indignantly. "And I don't recall inviting you to my party either!"  
  
"Ha, Reeve invited me. Well, when I say 'invited', he was under threat of losing his job at Shinra if he didn't," said Rufus, grinning evilly and folding his arms. "Now, which way to the drinks?"  
  
"Downstairs," Tifa said.  
  
Rufus left the room, still clutching his head. Cloud breathed a sigh of relief. Now they were alone once more, he could tell Tifa how he felt about her. He opened his mouth to speak, when the door crashed open again and two people, entangled in each other's arms and laughing giddily, made their way over to the bed and began kissing.  
  
"That's Mayor Domino," said Tifa. "And who's that with him, in the red dress?"  
  
"Scarlet," Cloud scowled. "Isn't she dead?"  
  
"Long story!" Scarlet said, overhearing.  
  
Cloud shrugged, "I guess she must have survived too. Tifa, I don't think we want to witness this. Let's go somewhere else."  
  
"The attic," Tifa suggested. "Nobody EVER goes up there."  
  
So they left the bedroom and went upstairs to the attic. Cloud closed the only door and propped a heavy chair behind it to stop anyone coming in and surprising them.  
  
"Heh," he said to himself. "I'd like to see somebody stop me now."  
  
"It's cold up here," said Tifa, rubbing her bare arms. "Cloud, whatever you want to say to me, make it quick."  
  
"Okay, sure, I'll get straight to the point," said Cloud. "Ever since I joined Avalanche, I - "  
  
There was an insane warbling noise from behind him, and he ducked to avoid a gaggle of the pumpkin-like Dorky Faces.  
  
"AARGH," he growled angrily. "This part of the mansion is still haunted!"  
  
Cloud grabbed Ultima Weapon from its permanent place on his back. He took it everywhere: to the shops, to the toilet, to church. Unfortunately it was too sharp for him to sleep with - he was toying with the idea of getting a velvet-lined sheath for the sword so that he could truly have it beside him at all times - but anyway - While he had been daydreaming about his weapon, one of the Dorky Faces had tried to cast Funny Breath, the spell that cast Confu on all enemies. As Tifa and Cloud were both equipped with Ribbons, this had no effect, and a few swipes with Ultima Weapon was enough to end the Dorky Faces' brief appearance.  
  
"Thank &*£$ for that," Cloud swore uncharacteristically. "I HATE those damn things. At least they're gone now. If I'm lucky, I'll never have to look at another one again."  
  
Predictably enough, that was the cue for a dusty old wooden chest to spring open, and a veritable avalanche of Dorky Faces to stream out, flying straight towards him. Cloud screamed with frustration. All he wanted was a few minutes alone with Tifa, to tell her he loved her. A few minutes? Was that too much to ask?!? The door was blocked and too far away, and he really couldn't be bothered fighting the pumpkins, so Cloud smashed one of the windows with his sword, and he and Tifa leapt out on to balcony a floor below. Endless numbers of Dorky Faces cascaded down from the attic window, bombarding them with thoroughly ineffectual Funny Breath. Cloud vaulted the balcony edge to land safely on the grass outside the Mansion. Tifa soon joined him, and they fled across the gardens to where Barret's daughter Marlene was playing with the rest of the guests' children, under the care of Elmyra and Rude.  
  
"Uncle Wude, do you wanna play ball?" said a little girl of maybe 5 years old, holding out a small basketball to Rude.  
  
"." said Rude, adjusting his sunglasses, and hoping the child would give up and leave him alone.  
  
"Rude, what are you doing babysitting?" said Tifa. "I thought you'd be inside enjoying the party."  
  
"." said Rude, sighing miserably. "I lost a bet with Reno, and this was the wager. If he won, I had to baby-sit the children. If I won, he had to run around the party hall naked."  
  
"He's doing that anyway," Cloud sighed, shaking his head.  
  
By this time the Dorky Faces had caught up with them, and they once more began casting Funny Breath relentlessly.  
  
"Oh, wook at da funny wittle pumpkies!!" the little girl with the basketball squealed.  
  
She dropped the basketball and clutched one of the Dorky Faces with both arms, hugging it tightly. The floating pumpkin struggled furiously in an attempt to escape, but its strength was no match for that of a child determined to hang on to her new toy. Soon the other children saw what she had and became jealous. If she was allowed a cute floating pumpkin, they ALL wanted one. This was the cue for all the kids to drop what they were doing, and begin chasing after the Dorky Faces. The terrified pumpkins began to flee back towards the attic window. Cloud and Tifa took advantage of the intervention to duck into the shade of the nearby willow trees. They walked on for a few moments until they were out of sight of the house.  
  
"Well," said Tifa, as they sat at the base of a tree together. "I guess you can tell me now whatever it is you want to tell me."  
  
"At last," said Cloud, sighing with relief. "Okay, it's like this - "  
  
"Cloud! Tifa!" came a voice from behind them.  
  
Astonished, they turned to see Aeris hugging a nearby tree.  
  
"AAARRGGHH!!" Cloud and Tifa screamed in unison. "YOU'RE DEAD!!!"  
  
"No, no, I'm alive. It's a long story," Aeris began.  
  
"No, no way!" Cloud yelled. "Rufus, Scarlet maybe, but you're DEAD. We saw it happen!!"  
  
Clutching each other in terror, he and Tifa bolted away among the trees.  
  
"Heh, heh, heh," 'Aeris' removed her mask and shrugged off the pink dress to reveal a familiar figure in black, with silver hair and emerald eyes.  
  
"My disguise worked," Sephiroth chuckled to himself. "Now to infiltrate the party and kill the members of Avalanche, one by one - what the hell?!?!??"  
  
He whirled round to see a mass of pumpkins floating towards him. The Dorky Faces flew past him to reveal the horde of energetic young children in pursuit.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!" Sephiroth screamed. "Not CHILDREN! Icons of pure innocence and life! My worst nightmare!"  
  
He turned tail and joined the Dorky Faces in their quest to escape.  
  
Cloud and Tifa sought refuge in the shadow of the Highwind. There didn't seem to be anybody around, but Cloud had to make sure. He didn't want to be interrupted again. Carefully checking the surrounding area, he was reassured that there was nobody around.  
  
"Tifa," he said. "When we were children, we didn't really have any feelings for each other, apart from simple friendship, right?"  
  
"Uh - I guess so," she said uncertainly, not quite sure where this was leading.  
  
"I thought about you a lot while I was in SOLDIER - I mean while I was away," said Cloud. "And now that we're back together again - "  
  
"HEY BOY!!" a voice interrupted him.  
  
"YAAAAHHH!!!" Cloud nearly leapt out of his skin.  
  
Dio stood over them, clad as usual in an extremely brief pair of briefs. He thrust out his chest and flexed his biceps, "Boy, do we have a lot to catch up on! I have a thousand and one stories to tell you! I don't even know where to begin! Oh, here's one, you'll love this story. It's about me going to the shops! It starts off last Wednesday, when I realised I was out of massage oil - "  
  
"LOOK BEHIND YOU - A THREE HEADED CHOCOBO!!" Cloud yelled.  
  
"Mum? Where?" Dio gasped, whirling around.  
  
Cloud grabbed Tifa by the hand and bolted for the Highwind's rope ladder. Dio saw them go and began pursuit, "Hey, don't run away, boy! There's SOOOO many things I've still got to tell you!!"  
  
Cloud and Tifa climbed up on to the Highwind's deck, and quickly yanked the rope ladder out of Dio's reach. Dio made a despairing leap and grabbed on to the last rung. Slowly, inexorably, he began clawing his way up towards them. . . . . .  
  
  
  
A/N 3: this wasn't meant to be chaptered but it's late and I'm off to bed - will write more soon. Hope y'all enjoy! 


	2. More Interruptions

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FF7 OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS  
  
As Dio climbed up the rope ladder towards them, Cloud took the only option open to him. Unsheathing Ultima Weapon, he sliced cleanly through the top of the rope ladder. It fell to the ground, taking Dio with it.  
  
"Maybe now we'll get some time to ourselves," Cloud grumbled to himself, re-attaching his weapon to the clips on his back.  
  
But he was to be thwarted once more. He turned to face Tifa, but as he opened his mouth to speak, he saw something moving out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"What is it this time?" he groaned.  
  
The Dorky Faces were back. They'd shaken off the pursuing children, temporarily at least, and were re-focussing their collective attention on Cloud. Spotting him standing on the deck of the Highwind, they came floating over at high speed and began pelting him with Funny Breath.  
  
"AAAARRGHH!" Cloud screamed, waving his sword in the air at the flying pumpkins.  
  
Tifa, thinking he was screaming out of pain rather than frustration, ran to his aid and began punching Dorky Faces out of the sky, but there were too many of them. A steady stream was STILL pouring out of the top floor of the mansion. Cloud pushed his way out of the melee and ran to the Highwind's flight deck. Tifa was right behind him, being chased by the unstoppable rampage of pumpkins.  
  
"There's nothing else for it, we'll just need to take off!" Cloud shouted. "If we can out-run them, we'll lose them somewhere then double back! Hold on to something, I'm takin' off!"  
  
"Cloud, do you even know how to fly this thing?!" Tifa yelled over the noise of the engines starting, bracing herself against a heavy metal stanchion.  
  
"Uh - I think so!" Cloud replied. "I piloted it that time when we had to bring Cid home from the Gold Saucer; remember when he was blind drunk and thought Barret was his wife?"  
  
"Yeah," she said. "He also seemed to think that Yuffie was a priest. He kept trying to confess to her."  
  
"I remember. Towards the end he thought the Venus Gospel was a garlic baguette," Cloud added. "I was kinda glad he fell over and knocked himself out at that point."  
  
The engines came to full power and Cloud, manipulating the ship's controls with uncertain hands, succeeded in a vertical take-off.  
  
"Now which button provides forward thrust?" he said to himself. "Oh, yeah, that red one. No sweat, Tifa, I can pilot this baby!!"  
  
Unfortunately his confidence was misplaced as the Highwind went rocketing at high speed BACKWARDS, nearly taking the top floor off the Nibelheim mansion, and slowing to a halt over a copse of trees as Cloud got it under control.  
  
"Okay, now I remember, it's the BLUE button that goes forwards!"  
  
Tifa shrieked and hung on for dear life as the ship began to do a barrel roll. When it stopped she was sure she had lost her lunch somewhere during the spin.  
  
"Oops," said Cloud. "Oh, that's the wrong one, it's THIS blue button!"  
  
Thankfully this time he got it right, and the Highwind began cruising forward, Cloud gaining height to avoid hitting any trees or buildings. The Dorky Faces were being steadily left behind. Cloud looked back to see the horde of pumpkins struggling to keep up, and allowed himself a brief maniacal laugh. Finally he'd outsmarted them. In other circumstances he might not have taken such pride in outwitting a flying vegetable, but tonight he didn't care. Leaving the ship on auto-pilot, he ran over to where Tifa was still instinctively gripping the metal strut with all her strength. She relaxed her muscles as he approached.  
  
"Well, I guess you can tell me now, whatever it is you want to say," she said. "It's weird how you keep getting interrupted, isn't it? Never mind, unless somebody's stowed away on the ship - "  
  
As she said that, Cloud knew with a sickening certainty that somebody was BOUND to have stowed away on the ship. He'd have wagered all his Materia and gil, plus his sacred Ultima Weapon, on that person jumping out at any moment. He wasn't disappointed.  
  
"Hey, Cloud!" came a girly voice from behind him.  
  
It was Yuffie. She'd got bored with nobody serving her any drinks at the party as she was still 16, and had got on board the Highwind to think of some devious trick to play on Cid. Now she was dancing around Cloud, singing some irritating song, and pickpocketing his Materia when he wasn't looking.  
  
"AAAARRRGH!!! NO!!! NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!!" Cloud screamed.  
  
He grabbed a parachute from a nearby shelf, thrust it into the startled Yuffie's arms, and threw her off the side of the ship.  
  
"Cloud, what have you done?!" Tifa yelled, shocked. "She'll be killed!"  
  
"Relax, honey, I gave her a parachute," said Cloud. "Now, back to what I was going to tell you. . ."  
  
A bird, caught in the Highwind's slipstream, collided with his face and cast Lightning on him. It was a Thunderbird from the Wutai Area, which they were currently flying over. The bird in question decided it quite liked the look of Cloud's hair, and decided it would build a nest there. It flew off to find some twigs.  
  
"No!!" Cloud wailed, falling to his knees and sobbing like a child. "Please, no more interruptions! I can't take it any more! Just let me have a few minutes!"  
  
"Cloud, are you okay?" asked a concerned Tifa. "You haven't been overdoing your sword training again, have you?"  
  
He looked up at her. Fine, he decided. He'd stop beating around the bush and get straight to the point. He'd simply have to tell her he loved her, without building up to it in some clever, romantic way.  
  
"TIFA!" he exclaimed. "I LO - "  
  
A rolled-up sock flew into his mouth, effectively gagging him. He looked up to see Reno, now wearing a top hat and a pair of fishing waders, running around the deck of the Highwind, still carrying the table cloth, giggling with hysterical glee, Barret and Cid both chasing after him furiously. Reno stopped to push a few of the buttons on the Highwind's control panel, before running off elsewhere. Suddenly the ship's stereo system began blasting out 1960s folk music at maximum volume, the landing gear was released, and the escape pod was jettisoned. Cloud and Tifa both ran to the control panel to turn the music off. No sooner had they done this than the ship began spinning round in an impossibly tight circle, sending Reno flying off the edge, yelling, "Wheeee!!" as he used the table cloth as a parachute. Cloud grabbed on to something to stop himself suffering the same fate, glad he hadn't had any party food to eat yet, or he'd have been decorating the Highwind's deck with it. He gave a wild swipe at the controls, only succeeding in making the ship spin even faster.  
  
"TTTIIIFFAAA!!!" he yelled, going round in circles, light-headed and dizzy.  
  
"WWHHAAAATTT???" she replied.  
  
"IIII LLLOOOOVVVEEEE YOOUUU!!!" he announced.  
  
"WWWHHHAAATTT??"  
  
"DDIIDDNN'TTT YOUU HEARR MEE??!"  
  
A pause. Then, "NNOOO!!"  
  
He made another jab at the controls, this time getting lucky, stopping the ship spinning, send Cid and Barret flying into each other. Interruptions were coming thick and fast now. The Snow Witch from the Northern Glacier came flying past on a broomstick, cackling evilly a la Wicked Witch of the West. Cloud flung an Underwater Materia at her, scoring a direct hit, sending her flailing down towards a conveniently located hot spring. The Highwind dipped into a nosedive, sending Cid and Barret skittering across the deck, flattening Cloud against a wall. He pushed them aside. Aeris' ghost appeared before him, extending a spectral arm and whispering, "Cloud, you must avenge my death."  
  
"I already did. 'scuse me."  
  
He shoved her to one side and looked for Tifa. She was at the ship's controls, trying to pull the Highwind on to a more even keel. There was nobody else in sight.  
  
"I can do it!" Cloud said to himself. "I can tell her now! All I have to do is say the words! Nothing can stop me!"  
  
Naturally that was the cue for something to happen, in this case a large metal frying pan bouncing out of the Highwind's kitchen area to hit Cloud on the head, knocking him over backwards, sending him sliding into the guardrail at the edge of the ship. He began laughing like a maniac. It would take more than a few interruptions to stop him confessing his feelings for his beloved. Barret and Cid began clawing at his feet, trying to hold him back. Vincent, Cait Sith and Red XIII appeared from various doors, and did their best to get in the way, yabbering away incessantly in his ears, waving their arms to distract him, and obscuring his vision with Vincent's cloak.  
  
"NOOO!"" he yelled. "I will prevail! You cannot distract me forever!"  
  
They held on like grim death, preventing him from reaching Tifa. Suddenly something exploded in the ship's engine, and it began dropping vertically towards the ground. With a howl of terror, Red XIII was grabbed in the claws of Ultimate Weapon, who just happened to be flying by. The flame at the end of Red's tail set fire to Cait Sith, who ran around in a state of panic, waving his arms, and trying to put out the flames with his megaphone. Vincent transformed into the Chaos beast and flew off after Ultimate Weapon. Another explosion, and Cid and Barret disappeared off the edge of the Highwind, landing in Lucrecia's lake below. Tifa managed to bring the ship out of the steep dive, but it was still descending, rapidly approaching the Corel Desert.  
  
"Get the parachutes!" Cloud yelled. "We're going to have to jump!"  
  
Tifa dropped the ship's controls and grabbed two parachutes, throwing one to Cloud and strapping the other one on herself. They took each other's hands and leapt off the edge, landing safely in the desert. They watched as the Highwind plunged into the base of the Gold Saucer, causing a huge eruption of flame, toppling the theme park's structure and destroying the whole thing.  
  
"Oops," said Tifa. "So what was it you wanted to tell me."  
  
Cloud grinned. At last they were alone. There couldn't be anybody around for miles.  
  
"Tifa," he said. "I lo - "  
  
The sand around them began to shake, and they were thrown backwards as a huge red monster emerged from the sand. Ruby Weapon roared in fury at being disturbed, and prepared to destroy them.  
  
"I love you, Tifa!!" Cloud screamed. "There, I said it! La, la, la!! I knew the interruptions couldn't last for ever! Wheeee! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!"  
  
"Why - why, thankyou Cloud," she said slowly. "Couldn't you have told me a little earlier, like when we weren't facing sure and instant death?"  
  
"Hey," he shrugged defensively. "I tried!" 


End file.
